On Women and Sensuality

Cosmic KissingThe other day, I was reading the blog of an Internet friend, Nicole Daedone.  She’d written a very insightful and personal post entitled “On Fucking,” and it inspired me to write my own personalized thoughts on the matter.   Then I began to realize that I have a lot more to talk about here than just fucking.  I thought, “I want to talk about all of sex, and how a man might approach, entice, open and truly give the best of himself to a woman sexually.”  On further thought, I realized, “what I have to say is not really about sex, but about sensation, sensuality, and building a powerful and lasting connection.”

So, this will be the first post in a series on opening women to pleasure and sensuality.  This series will be directed at men, but hopefully women will get something out of it too.  At the very least, I hope this post will be something that, when women read it, they’ll resonate with and send to the men in their lives.

There’s probably only going to be a single major theme running though this with regards to advice for women.  That is: Communicate this stuff with the man in your life.  We men are not (much as so many women seem to want us to be) mind readers. Read more »

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On Being Worshiped

Couple bathing togetherWhen it comes to religion and gods, I don’t believe in them, but I find many of the metaphors and techniques within them useful.  One metaphor I have found of particular value is to either hold someone else as a god or goddess; to hold another in a space of an object of worship, devotion and adoration.  Additionally, being held in this light by another person can be an incredibly empowering and enlightening experience.

It is rare to experience utter devotion and adoration in our lives.  In fact, I would guess that most people have never had the experience.  I had never experienced it until my late twenties, when I became involved with learning techniques of Tantra.  I had never truly given it until I began to practice Tantra with a partner.

“Devotion frees.” ~ Vigyan Bhairav Tantra

Devotion not only frees the devoted, it also frees the object of devotion, or the action one devotes oneself to.  Devotion frees through love.  To be devoted, truly and wholly, one must first surrender to one’s love.  This experience in itself is freeing, and is only amplified by the acts of devotion that follow it. Read more »

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Understanding Orgasm – Tension & Relaxation

The main issue I wish to address is the role of muscular and psychological tension and relaxation in orgasm, but before I do, I want to introduce two different types of orgasms.

Of course, there are many types of orgasms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be grouping them into two broad categories: The Genital Orgasm and The Deep Orgasm.  What do I mean by these terms?  Well, they show up differently in men and women, so let’s begin there:

orgasmic woman in ecstasyIn Women:

  1. A Genital / Clitoral focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, sometimes includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is rarely ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (women report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is often potentially ejaculatory.

In Men:

  1. A Genital focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, only rarely (unless the man is practiced in the arts of sexuality) includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is almost always ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (men  report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm. I would personally say 20 times better), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is only rarely accompanied by ejaculation. Read more »
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If you asked me about Tantra or Sex Magick…

This is a reminder of what I told you about it (I say more or less the same thing to everyone):

  1. Erotic Relief Sculpture from Tantric Temple in IndiaOkay, so I hear you asking about sex, so I’m going to let you in on a little secret about Sex Magick, Tantric Sexuality, and other forms of Sacred Sexuality and Sexual Mysticism.
  2. Before I do, I’m going to tell you something important about what I’m igniting in you. None of these paths are about sex. I get that you think they are. I get that this is your motive: better sex. I get that maybe you want to impress the ladies or the men with your skills in bed. That’s fine. Many people get interested for exactly the same reasons you are. That is how I got interested in the topic as well. So I have no complaint about your motives or intentions, but I’m not going to give you these secrets without first giving you a warning.
  3. That warning is this: What I’m about to tell you will change your entire life if you actually pursue it. It will change everything about your life in ways you cannot even imagine.
  4. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, here’s what you wanted to know: Six Basic Keys to Mind-blowing Tantric Sex
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How to Chant Bija Mantras

Hindu man chanting a mantraMantras are one of the oldest tools for transformation and higher consciousness that uses sound. A mantra can help to awaken emotions and stimulate the mind. Effects of chanting mantras can usually be felt both by someone chanting them, and someone listening to them.

The word mantra comes from the Sanskrit, and means advice or suggestion. Almost any word might be thought of as a mantra. Each word we use offers a suggestion to our mind, and our minds respond to them immediately.

Mantra might also be thought of as a kind of an energy pattern.

Each Bija Mantra corresponds to a particular god or goddess, and five of them correspond to the first five chakras in the chakra system, with OM corresponding to the sixth chakra. Read more »

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Soul Gazing Exercise

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Communication is something that occurs on many levels.  Most frequently, we think of communication as being a two-part exchange.  There is the receptive communication of listening, and the active communication of speaking.  Yet we intuitively know that communication goes far beyond what we do with our ears and mouths.  Communication occurs on many levels, the majority of which are nonverbal.

Soul Gazing helps exercise one of these nonverbal communication channels, by opening up an energy connection between your eyes and the eyes of your partner.  Eye contact, particularly when it is prolonged and intimate, can be very challenging.  As with many challenges, however, the payoff to fully submersing oneself in the exercise can produce profound results for both participants.

Purpose of the Exercise

The Soul Gazing exercise in Tantra is a method of communicating with your lover that is completely nonverbal.  As such, it may open new doors to intimacy in your relationship that were previously unexplored.  Use this exercise to communicate on a deeper level with your partner, and to awaken new lines of exchange.  Soul Gazing harmonizes the energy of both partners, creating an open heart space where deeper intimacy may be achieved. Read more »

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