On Women and Sensuality

Cosmic KissingThe other day, I was reading the blog of an Internet friend, Nicole Daedone.  She’d written a very insightful and personal post entitled “On Fucking,” and it inspired me to write my own personalized thoughts on the matter.   Then I began to realize that I have a lot more to talk about here than just fucking.  I thought, “I want to talk about all of sex, and how a man might approach, entice, open and truly give the best of himself to a woman sexually.”  On further thought, I realized, “what I have to say is not really about sex, but about sensation, sensuality, and building a powerful and lasting connection.”

So, this will be the first post in a series on opening women to pleasure and sensuality.  This series will be directed at men, but hopefully women will get something out of it too.  At the very least, I hope this post will be something that, when women read it, they’ll resonate with and send to the men in their lives.

There’s probably only going to be a single major theme running though this with regards to advice for women.  That is: Communicate this stuff with the man in your life.  We men are not (much as so many women seem to want us to be) mind readers. Read more »

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For Men

2003 Father/Son Men's Legacy Weekend

2003 Father/Son Men's Legacy Weekend

Dear Man,

This is my public letter of gratitude to you for the impact you have made on my life.

Thank you, men of my family; you taught me by example, and sometimes in words, how to become the man I have always wanted to be. Specifically:

Thank you, Dad, for all that you’ve given to me in the course of my life. Thank you for being The Hunter who taught me the value of following the traditions of my ancestors. Thank you for being The Fisherman who taught me the meaning of patience, and shared the story of the Taoist Fisherman. Thank you for being The Businessman who taught me how to provide for myself, and those whom I love. Thank you for being The Husband who taught me to respect women. Thank you for being The Brother who taught me to care for other men. Thank you for being The Storyteller who taught me a love of myths, legends and stories. Thank you for being The Philosopher who taught me to think for myself. Most of all, thank you for being The Father who taught me to care for my family and to care for all children. Read more »

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For Women

Dear Woman,

This is my public letter of gratitude to you for the impact you have made on my life.

Thank you, women of my family; you showed me how powerful it can be to really relate to each other.  Specifically:

  • Thank you, Mom, for loving me no matter what from the very beginning. Thank you for being The Giver, and making the holidays a truly special occasion for the whole family; you taught me to cherish time with my family. Thank you for being The Teacher, and teaching me respect and admiration for women; you showed me that women are my partners in the journey of life. Thank you for being The Open-Hearted One; you showed me how to be vulnerable.
  • Read more »

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Letter to Turned-on Women

originally published on the web site of the Turned on Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Dear Turned-on Women,

I am one of those few lucky men who has had the privilege to meet, to know, to love, and in a few cases to fall madly in love with turned-on women.

As with many men, I suppose, my first romantic relationships with women I’d describe today as turned-off women. It is not that they lacked the ability for love or to connect sexually, because they could do both, but that they never seemed to surrender fully to their own sex, their own pleasure, their own desire. It was like they were engaged in sex because it was part of the expected script, rather than because it was the play they wanted to write. Read more »

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Women & Men / Anger & Fear

The battle of the sexes is as old as the sexes themselves.  But what lies at the heart of it?  One of my guides along my path as a man and as a healer, once told me something that might shed some light on the subject.  This is what he defines as the two biggest problems in the world.

“The first is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniac, self-aggrandizement etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.  The second problem is the inability of women to give their sexual energy to men, primarily due to their anger, coupled with the even worse inability of men to receive the sexual energy of women, primarily due to their fear.” – Greg Ehmka

angry woman and fearful man

The Toxic Pattern: An angry woman and frightened man.

What does this really mean, and what might be learned from it?  Why anger and why fear?  Why the dichotomy between the sexes?

Personally, I would change Greg’s words of “sexual energy” to “sexual and/or love energies.”  It seems to me, at least from my journey though life and relationships, that these two often come intertwined when it comes to sexual relationships.  Sometimes sexual energy might be the sticking point, and other times love energy might be the sticking point.  Sometimes the fear and/or anger does not get in the way of sexual energy exchange, but does interfere very much with opening through trust to love. Read more »

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