On Women and Sensuality

Cosmic KissingThe other day, I was reading the blog of an Internet friend, Nicole Daedone.  She’d written a very insightful and personal post entitled “On Fucking,” and it inspired me to write my own personalized thoughts on the matter.   Then I began to realize that I have a lot more to talk about here than just fucking.  I thought, “I want to talk about all of sex, and how a man might approach, entice, open and truly give the best of himself to a woman sexually.”  On further thought, I realized, “what I have to say is not really about sex, but about sensation, sensuality, and building a powerful and lasting connection.”

So, this will be the first post in a series on opening women to pleasure and sensuality.  This series will be directed at men, but hopefully women will get something out of it too.  At the very least, I hope this post will be something that, when women read it, they’ll resonate with and send to the men in their lives.

There’s probably only going to be a single major theme running though this with regards to advice for women.  That is: Communicate this stuff with the man in your life.  We men are not (much as so many women seem to want us to be) mind readers. Read more »

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For Women

Dear Woman,

This is my public letter of gratitude to you for the impact you have made on my life.

Thank you, women of my family; you showed me how powerful it can be to really relate to each other.  Specifically:

  • Thank you, Mom, for loving me no matter what from the very beginning. Thank you for being The Giver, and making the holidays a truly special occasion for the whole family; you taught me to cherish time with my family. Thank you for being The Teacher, and teaching me respect and admiration for women; you showed me that women are my partners in the journey of life. Thank you for being The Open-Hearted One; you showed me how to be vulnerable.
  • Read more »

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On Being Worshiped

Couple bathing togetherWhen it comes to religion and gods, I don’t believe in them, but I find many of the metaphors and techniques within them useful.  One metaphor I have found of particular value is to either hold someone else as a god or goddess; to hold another in a space of an object of worship, devotion and adoration.  Additionally, being held in this light by another person can be an incredibly empowering and enlightening experience.

It is rare to experience utter devotion and adoration in our lives.  In fact, I would guess that most people have never had the experience.  I had never experienced it until my late twenties, when I became involved with learning techniques of Tantra.  I had never truly given it until I began to practice Tantra with a partner.

“Devotion frees.” ~ Vigyan Bhairav Tantra

Devotion not only frees the devoted, it also frees the object of devotion, or the action one devotes oneself to.  Devotion frees through love.  To be devoted, truly and wholly, one must first surrender to one’s love.  This experience in itself is freeing, and is only amplified by the acts of devotion that follow it. Read more »

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Understanding Orgasm – Tension & Relaxation

The main issue I wish to address is the role of muscular and psychological tension and relaxation in orgasm, but before I do, I want to introduce two different types of orgasms.

Of course, there are many types of orgasms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be grouping them into two broad categories: The Genital Orgasm and The Deep Orgasm.  What do I mean by these terms?  Well, they show up differently in men and women, so let’s begin there:

orgasmic woman in ecstasyIn Women:

  1. A Genital / Clitoral focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, sometimes includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is rarely ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (women report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is often potentially ejaculatory.

In Men:

  1. A Genital focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, only rarely (unless the man is practiced in the arts of sexuality) includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is almost always ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (men  report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm. I would personally say 20 times better), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is only rarely accompanied by ejaculation. Read more »
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Women and Beauty: Fear, Hate, Love and Acceptance

I’d like to share with you two brief stories about two different women I met, and how beauty shows up or doesn’t, depending upon the personality of the woman more than her looks. One of these women, I’ll call her Lisa, doesn’t really seem to like men that much, and the other, I’ll call her Angela, loves men and accepts us unconditionally as we are.

These two stories really happened, but as I’ve implied, I’ve changed all the names. I think you’ll get a lot out of hearing these two stories, and understanding what I see as beautiful in women. Hopefully my experiences might shed some light on some of your experiences with men, and how we perceive beauty. Read more »

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Letter to Turned-on Women

originally published on the web site of the Turned on Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Dear Turned-on Women,

I am one of those few lucky men who has had the privilege to meet, to know, to love, and in a few cases to fall madly in love with turned-on women.

As with many men, I suppose, my first romantic relationships with women I’d describe today as turned-off women. It is not that they lacked the ability for love or to connect sexually, because they could do both, but that they never seemed to surrender fully to their own sex, their own pleasure, their own desire. It was like they were engaged in sex because it was part of the expected script, rather than because it was the play they wanted to write. Read more »

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Women & Men / Anger & Fear

The battle of the sexes is as old as the sexes themselves.  But what lies at the heart of it?  One of my guides along my path as a man and as a healer, once told me something that might shed some light on the subject.  This is what he defines as the two biggest problems in the world.

“The first is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniac, self-aggrandizement etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.  The second problem is the inability of women to give their sexual energy to men, primarily due to their anger, coupled with the even worse inability of men to receive the sexual energy of women, primarily due to their fear.” – Greg Ehmka

angry woman and fearful man

The Toxic Pattern: An angry woman and frightened man.

What does this really mean, and what might be learned from it?  Why anger and why fear?  Why the dichotomy between the sexes?

Personally, I would change Greg’s words of “sexual energy” to “sexual and/or love energies.”  It seems to me, at least from my journey though life and relationships, that these two often come intertwined when it comes to sexual relationships.  Sometimes sexual energy might be the sticking point, and other times love energy might be the sticking point.  Sometimes the fear and/or anger does not get in the way of sexual energy exchange, but does interfere very much with opening through trust to love. Read more »

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