Are You a Fake Friend?

The word “friend” has many meanings, and we have many types of friends. The term has taken on new meaning the in the era of social media. So, what kind of friend are you? What kind of friends are your friends? What does your method of relating to friends say about your depth of friendship?

Part One of this series asks about a variety of friends that aren’t really friends. What about your social networking friends? Are you a fake friend to them? Are they acting like fake friends toward you? Read more »

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Letter to Turned-on Women

originally published on the web site of the Turned on Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Nicole Daedone, founder of the Turned On Woman Movement

Dear Turned-on Women,

I am one of those few lucky men who has had the privilege to meet, to know, to love, and in a few cases to fall madly in love with turned-on women.

As with many men, I suppose, my first romantic relationships with women I’d describe today as turned-off women. It is not that they lacked the ability for love or to connect sexually, because they could do both, but that they never seemed to surrender fully to their own sex, their own pleasure, their own desire. It was like they were engaged in sex because it was part of the expected script, rather than because it was the play they wanted to write. Read more »

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Women & Men / Anger & Fear

The battle of the sexes is as old as the sexes themselves.  But what lies at the heart of it?  One of my guides along my path as a man and as a healer, once told me something that might shed some light on the subject.  This is what he defines as the two biggest problems in the world.

“The first is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniac, self-aggrandizement etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.  The second problem is the inability of women to give their sexual energy to men, primarily due to their anger, coupled with the even worse inability of men to receive the sexual energy of women, primarily due to their fear.” – Greg Ehmka

angry woman and fearful man

The Toxic Pattern: An angry woman and frightened man.

What does this really mean, and what might be learned from it?  Why anger and why fear?  Why the dichotomy between the sexes?

Personally, I would change Greg’s words of “sexual energy” to “sexual and/or love energies.”  It seems to me, at least from my journey though life and relationships, that these two often come intertwined when it comes to sexual relationships.  Sometimes sexual energy might be the sticking point, and other times love energy might be the sticking point.  Sometimes the fear and/or anger does not get in the way of sexual energy exchange, but does interfere very much with opening through trust to love. Read more »

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Six Basic Keys to Mind-blowing Tantric Sex

Every journey begins with a single step.  The journey of the soul can sometimes be a difficult one, and sometimes be an easy one.  Of the different ways our souls may choose to make those journeys, taking the road that leads through our sexuality can be one of the most troublesome, as well as one of the most rewarding.

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Tantric sexuality shows us ways that we might take that reward and double it, then double it again, then spin it around and amplify it, and then send it out so that it comes back to us amplified yet again.  Imagine that you could do that.  For most people, it will be a difficult thing to imagine.  And yet, great numbers of people are drawn to Tantra every year; many of them seeking only pleasure; many of them seeking enlightenment.

The vast majority of those seekers receive both the spiritual blessings and the better sex.  They go hand in hand.  If you’re expecting or wanting the one without the other, you may be surprised to find them intertwined.

Readers may find the techniques described here to be similar to or the same as things already learned in yoga, meditation, intense exercise, etc.  The basics of tantric sexuality are really fundamentals of many forms of energy work or spiritual practices utilized in various traditions to move and/or transform the life force energy. Read more »

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A Self-Love Body Image Exercise

The following is adapted from Touching for Pleasure by Adele P. Kennedy and Susan Dean, Ph.D. I have taken my own methods and inserted them, so it is not identical to the original. My adaptation of their exercise is inspired by additional breath and energy techniques taken primarily from Tantra and emotional release, including the work of Greg Ehmka, quoted below. These added elements serve to deepen the experience of the exercise, and to allow for the expression and completion of persistent suppressed emotions surrounding one’s self-image.

self image exercise in mirrorSelf image and body image sometimes get in the way in intimate relationships. Some people are afraid to be touched in a particular place because they feel that part of them is ugly or unattractive. Some people refuse to disrobe with their partner unless the lights are off. This type of thinking and behavior can interfere with many opportunities for deeper intimacy and connection in relationships.

“[The biggest problem in the world] is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniacal, self-aggrandizing, etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.” – Greg Ehmka

The purpose of this body image exercise is to establish a higher level of the type of self-love described above. Before you begin the exercise, prepare yourself to rediscover many things about yourself, and look at your body through new eyes. Also, prepare yourself to be ruthlessly authentic in expressing emotions, thoughts, beliefs, the pictures in your head, or whatever becomes present for you during the exercise.

Expressing what you really feel about yourself can help clear emotions you may have been suppressing or repressing for a long time. By allowing yourself to feel those feelings, think those thoughts and express yourself with authentic vulnerability, you may find those difficult things lift away, giving you access to new and powerful awakenings in your relationship. Read more »

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Seven Core Masculine Archetypes

The Wild Man

The Wild Man

These seven archetypes were heavily influenced by my participation in a men’s circle, the work of Robert Bly in Iron John and my experiences with Tantra and sacred sexuality. I employ a combination of mythical archetypes and relationships to the 7 Chakras.

In the western nations the press frequently demonizes men and paints us as devils, rapists, oppressors and all manner of despicable shadow-masculine characters. Most men I know would not fit into any such category, and yet most men I know have never read nor seen an essay about the sacred nature of men, while reports of rape, murder and men oppressing women can be read any day of the week in the newspaper. In short, I see a world literally filled with men who exhibit the 7 archetypes I’ve listed below, and with a small and ever decreasing minority of men who fit she “shadow” version of those archetypes, yet by reading the press, viewing the television and movies, or going to a modern university, one might get the impression that the shadow men make up the majority. Read more »

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Soul Gazing Exercise

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Communication is something that occurs on many levels.  Most frequently, we think of communication as being a two-part exchange.  There is the receptive communication of listening, and the active communication of speaking.  Yet we intuitively know that communication goes far beyond what we do with our ears and mouths.  Communication occurs on many levels, the majority of which are nonverbal.

Soul Gazing helps exercise one of these nonverbal communication channels, by opening up an energy connection between your eyes and the eyes of your partner.  Eye contact, particularly when it is prolonged and intimate, can be very challenging.  As with many challenges, however, the payoff to fully submersing oneself in the exercise can produce profound results for both participants.

Purpose of the Exercise

The Soul Gazing exercise in Tantra is a method of communicating with your lover that is completely nonverbal.  As such, it may open new doors to intimacy in your relationship that were previously unexplored.  Use this exercise to communicate on a deeper level with your partner, and to awaken new lines of exchange.  Soul Gazing harmonizes the energy of both partners, creating an open heart space where deeper intimacy may be achieved. Read more »

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