On Women and Sensuality

Cosmic KissingThe other day, I was reading the blog of an Internet friend, Nicole Daedone.  She’d written a very insightful and personal post entitled “On Fucking,” and it inspired me to write my own personalized thoughts on the matter.   Then I began to realize that I have a lot more to talk about here than just fucking.  I thought, “I want to talk about all of sex, and how a man might approach, entice, open and truly give the best of himself to a woman sexually.”  On further thought, I realized, “what I have to say is not really about sex, but about sensation, sensuality, and building a powerful and lasting connection.”

So, this will be the first post in a series on opening women to pleasure and sensuality.  This series will be directed at men, but hopefully women will get something out of it too.  At the very least, I hope this post will be something that, when women read it, they’ll resonate with and send to the men in their lives.

There’s probably only going to be a single major theme running though this with regards to advice for women.  That is: Communicate this stuff with the man in your life.  We men are not (much as so many women seem to want us to be) mind readers. Read more »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.7/10 (6 votes cast)

On Being Worshiped

Couple bathing togetherWhen it comes to religion and gods, I don’t believe in them, but I find many of the metaphors and techniques within them useful.  One metaphor I have found of particular value is to either hold someone else as a god or goddess; to hold another in a space of an object of worship, devotion and adoration.  Additionally, being held in this light by another person can be an incredibly empowering and enlightening experience.

It is rare to experience utter devotion and adoration in our lives.  In fact, I would guess that most people have never had the experience.  I had never experienced it until my late twenties, when I became involved with learning techniques of Tantra.  I had never truly given it until I began to practice Tantra with a partner.

“Devotion frees.” ~ Vigyan Bhairav Tantra

Devotion not only frees the devoted, it also frees the object of devotion, or the action one devotes oneself to.  Devotion frees through love.  To be devoted, truly and wholly, one must first surrender to one’s love.  This experience in itself is freeing, and is only amplified by the acts of devotion that follow it. Read more »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.9/10 (8 votes cast)

Understanding Orgasm – Tension & Relaxation

The main issue I wish to address is the role of muscular and psychological tension and relaxation in orgasm, but before I do, I want to introduce two different types of orgasms.

Of course, there are many types of orgasms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be grouping them into two broad categories: The Genital Orgasm and The Deep Orgasm.  What do I mean by these terms?  Well, they show up differently in men and women, so let’s begin there:

orgasmic woman in ecstasyIn Women:

  1. A Genital / Clitoral focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, sometimes includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is rarely ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (women report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is often potentially ejaculatory.

In Men:

  1. A Genital focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, only rarely (unless the man is practiced in the arts of sexuality) includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is almost always ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (men  report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm. I would personally say 20 times better), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is only rarely accompanied by ejaculation. Read more »
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 6.4/10 (22 votes cast)

Six Basic Keys to Mind-blowing Tantric Sex

Every journey begins with a single step.  The journey of the soul can sometimes be a difficult one, and sometimes be an easy one.  Of the different ways our souls may choose to make those journeys, taking the road that leads through our sexuality can be one of the most troublesome, as well as one of the most rewarding.

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Tantric sexuality shows us ways that we might take that reward and double it, then double it again, then spin it around and amplify it, and then send it out so that it comes back to us amplified yet again.  Imagine that you could do that.  For most people, it will be a difficult thing to imagine.  And yet, great numbers of people are drawn to Tantra every year; many of them seeking only pleasure; many of them seeking enlightenment.

The vast majority of those seekers receive both the spiritual blessings and the better sex.  They go hand in hand.  If you’re expecting or wanting the one without the other, you may be surprised to find them intertwined.

Readers may find the techniques described here to be similar to or the same as things already learned in yoga, meditation, intense exercise, etc.  The basics of tantric sexuality are really fundamentals of many forms of energy work or spiritual practices utilized in various traditions to move and/or transform the life force energy. Read more »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 6.7/10 (25 votes cast)

A Self-Love Body Image Exercise

The following is adapted from Touching for Pleasure by Adele P. Kennedy and Susan Dean, Ph.D. I have taken my own methods and inserted them, so it is not identical to the original. My adaptation of their exercise is inspired by additional breath and energy techniques taken primarily from Tantra and emotional release, including the work of Greg Ehmka, quoted below. These added elements serve to deepen the experience of the exercise, and to allow for the expression and completion of persistent suppressed emotions surrounding one’s self-image.

self image exercise in mirrorSelf image and body image sometimes get in the way in intimate relationships. Some people are afraid to be touched in a particular place because they feel that part of them is ugly or unattractive. Some people refuse to disrobe with their partner unless the lights are off. This type of thinking and behavior can interfere with many opportunities for deeper intimacy and connection in relationships.

“[The biggest problem in the world] is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniacal, self-aggrandizing, etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.” – Greg Ehmka

The purpose of this body image exercise is to establish a higher level of the type of self-love described above. Before you begin the exercise, prepare yourself to rediscover many things about yourself, and look at your body through new eyes. Also, prepare yourself to be ruthlessly authentic in expressing emotions, thoughts, beliefs, the pictures in your head, or whatever becomes present for you during the exercise.

Expressing what you really feel about yourself can help clear emotions you may have been suppressing or repressing for a long time. By allowing yourself to feel those feelings, think those thoughts and express yourself with authentic vulnerability, you may find those difficult things lift away, giving you access to new and powerful awakenings in your relationship. Read more »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Soul Gazing Exercise

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Communication is something that occurs on many levels.  Most frequently, we think of communication as being a two-part exchange.  There is the receptive communication of listening, and the active communication of speaking.  Yet we intuitively know that communication goes far beyond what we do with our ears and mouths.  Communication occurs on many levels, the majority of which are nonverbal.

Soul Gazing helps exercise one of these nonverbal communication channels, by opening up an energy connection between your eyes and the eyes of your partner.  Eye contact, particularly when it is prolonged and intimate, can be very challenging.  As with many challenges, however, the payoff to fully submersing oneself in the exercise can produce profound results for both participants.

Purpose of the Exercise

The Soul Gazing exercise in Tantra is a method of communicating with your lover that is completely nonverbal.  As such, it may open new doors to intimacy in your relationship that were previously unexplored.  Use this exercise to communicate on a deeper level with your partner, and to awaken new lines of exchange.  Soul Gazing harmonizes the energy of both partners, creating an open heart space where deeper intimacy may be achieved. Read more »

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 8.5/10 (18 votes cast)