On Women and Sensuality

Cosmic KissingThe other day, I was reading the blog of an Internet friend, Nicole Daedone.  She’d written a very insightful and personal post entitled “On Fucking,” and it inspired me to write my own personalized thoughts on the matter.   Then I began to realize that I have a lot more to talk about here than just fucking.  I thought, “I want to talk about all of sex, and how a man might approach, entice, open and truly give the best of himself to a woman sexually.”  On further thought, I realized, “what I have to say is not really about sex, but about sensation, sensuality, and building a powerful and lasting connection.”

So, this will be the first post in a series on opening women to pleasure and sensuality.  This series will be directed at men, but hopefully women will get something out of it too.  At the very least, I hope this post will be something that, when women read it, they’ll resonate with and send to the men in their lives.

There’s probably only going to be a single major theme running though this with regards to advice for women.  That is: Communicate this stuff with the man in your life.  We men are not (much as so many women seem to want us to be) mind readers. Read more »

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Understanding Orgasm – Tension & Relaxation

The main issue I wish to address is the role of muscular and psychological tension and relaxation in orgasm, but before I do, I want to introduce two different types of orgasms.

Of course, there are many types of orgasms, but for the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be grouping them into two broad categories: The Genital Orgasm and The Deep Orgasm.  What do I mean by these terms?  Well, they show up differently in men and women, so let’s begin there:

orgasmic woman in ecstasyIn Women:

  1. A Genital / Clitoral focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, sometimes includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is rarely ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (women report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is often potentially ejaculatory.

In Men:

  1. A Genital focused orgasm, which is very pleasurable, focused primarily in the lower regions in or near the genitals, only rarely (unless the man is practiced in the arts of sexuality) includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, sometimes is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is almost always ejaculatory.
  2. A Deep / Full-Body orgasm, which is usually substantially more pleasurable (men  report to me between 2 times and 100 times more powerful than the Genital Orgasm. I would personally say 20 times better), focused throughout the entire body, almost always includes more “full body” effects such as shaking or shuddering body, almost always is accompanied by involuntary noise-making, and is only rarely accompanied by ejaculation. Read more »
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Angry? Learn to Anger Dance!

an angry man screaming

Mad as Hell?

I have been using this technique for several years now, and find it invaluable to living powerfully. I have attempted to explain it to online friends in the past, and sometimes receive comments such as, “I do not like to wallow in my anger with music. I prefer to forget it and move on.” Since this is exactly the intent of the Anger Dance – to allow the anger to move so that I can move on – I want to present the full details of the Anger Dance as I do it, so others may benefit from the experience. There is no wallowing here. There is only movement and progress towards a positive intention.

The techniques described in this article are the brainchild of Greg Ehmka. Greg’s work focuses specifically on the use of intention, intuition and expression of emotion as a means to keep life moving in a positive direction and advancing one’s intentions in the world. Instructions contained herein are similar, though likely not identical, to his teachings. Everything here is in my own words, and using the methods I use in my personal emotional release practice.

What is an Anger Dance?

An Anger Dance is a form of Latihan. It is used to move angry energy out of the body. Unlike most forms of Latihan, which begin from emptiness or nothingness, this form begins with anger. When you find yourself feeling angry, and especially when you know the source of the anger, you may wish to use an Anger Dance to purge the energy, and to put it into a positive intention. If you don’t know the source, you may wish to do the Anger Dance simply to find the source, or to just push some of that energy out of your body by moving. Read more »

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The Paleolithic Diet

Yep. I’ve lost a ton of weight over the last few years. Okay, maybe not a whole ton. Maybe it was only 50 lbs. In 2007, I weighed in at 180, and decided something had to be done. In 2011, I weigh in at 133 – the same weight I was when I was 17-20 years old.

The three biggest components to losing that weight were:

  1. Emotional – without dealing with this one, you might never lose the weight – In beginning to deal with it, it seemed almost effortless to drop pounds.
  2. Mental – rewriting the programming in your computer (brain) for the correct eating signals from the stomach to the brain. See “The Naturally Slender Eating Strategy” – another note I posted.
  3. Diet/Lifestyle change – See this post.

The Paleo Diet by Dr. Loren Cordain

Several years ago, I read The Paleo Diet by Dr. Loren Cordain. This book really changed how I think about my diet, and changed many of my food choices. As a result of reading this, I eliminated certain foods completely:

Peanut Butter and Peanuts or Cashews – replaced completely with Raw Almond Butter (Trader Joe’s has a great deal on it). Peanuts and cashews actually are NOT nuts, and much less healthy than real nuts. Also, RAW nuts are WAY healthier than roasted.

Heavily processed foods. I still eat a few from time to time, but my shopping cart is not filled with them anymore. Examples: Lunchables (I used to love these, and eat them for lunch at work all the time), packaged meats like bologna or sliced smoked turkey from Buddig, packaged frozen dinners (I make an exception for a couple Trader Joe’s products, but I used to eat a lot of frozen foods), bread (I might eat a piece when I go out, but I never buy it for at home), potatoes (again, sometimes when out, but never at home – and out, I’ll try to get a side-salad instead if it is an option). Read more »

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Six Basic Keys to Mind-blowing Tantric Sex

Every journey begins with a single step.  The journey of the soul can sometimes be a difficult one, and sometimes be an easy one.  Of the different ways our souls may choose to make those journeys, taking the road that leads through our sexuality can be one of the most troublesome, as well as one of the most rewarding.

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Tantric sexuality shows us ways that we might take that reward and double it, then double it again, then spin it around and amplify it, and then send it out so that it comes back to us amplified yet again.  Imagine that you could do that.  For most people, it will be a difficult thing to imagine.  And yet, great numbers of people are drawn to Tantra every year; many of them seeking only pleasure; many of them seeking enlightenment.

The vast majority of those seekers receive both the spiritual blessings and the better sex.  They go hand in hand.  If you’re expecting or wanting the one without the other, you may be surprised to find them intertwined.

Readers may find the techniques described here to be similar to or the same as things already learned in yoga, meditation, intense exercise, etc.  The basics of tantric sexuality are really fundamentals of many forms of energy work or spiritual practices utilized in various traditions to move and/or transform the life force energy. Read more »

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The Naturally Slender Eating Strategy

Naturally Slender Eating

Naturally Slender Eating

I have a Master Practitioner Certificate in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). One of the concepts in NLP is the idea of “strategies.” A strategy is a series of actions performed in a specific order to achieve a specific result. People have strategies for everything, but mostly don’t think about them or know what they are. They just do them automatically as they go about their days.

Some strategies are simple and all about physical actions, like your morning routine for getting showered and dressed, which is probably usually the same things in roughly the same order.  Other strategies involve a lot of thinking.

We have strategies for just about everything in our lives, from our morning routine to our way of dealing with problematic people at the office. We tend to run these little scripts without thinking about them. Some of our strategies work well, and some do not. If you have an area of life where something is not working, it might do you well to consider your strategy, and how you might change it.

That brings us to eating strategies. First, let’s take some time to consider some really horrible eating strategies. If you are an obese person, or know an obese person well, see if you can pick out the strategy they use for eating from the below list:

Read more »

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A Self-Love Body Image Exercise

The following is adapted from Touching for Pleasure by Adele P. Kennedy and Susan Dean, Ph.D. I have taken my own methods and inserted them, so it is not identical to the original. My adaptation of their exercise is inspired by additional breath and energy techniques taken primarily from Tantra and emotional release, including the work of Greg Ehmka, quoted below. These added elements serve to deepen the experience of the exercise, and to allow for the expression and completion of persistent suppressed emotions surrounding one’s self-image.

self image exercise in mirrorSelf image and body image sometimes get in the way in intimate relationships. Some people are afraid to be touched in a particular place because they feel that part of them is ugly or unattractive. Some people refuse to disrobe with their partner unless the lights are off. This type of thinking and behavior can interfere with many opportunities for deeper intimacy and connection in relationships.

“[The biggest problem in the world] is that, on average, the level of individual self-love of the people inhabiting the planet is terribly low. This is not the self-love of the identity loving itself. That is what is meant by megalomaniacal, self-aggrandizing, etc. This is the inability of the identity, that which you think you are, to receive the love of that which you really are.” – Greg Ehmka

The purpose of this body image exercise is to establish a higher level of the type of self-love described above. Before you begin the exercise, prepare yourself to rediscover many things about yourself, and look at your body through new eyes. Also, prepare yourself to be ruthlessly authentic in expressing emotions, thoughts, beliefs, the pictures in your head, or whatever becomes present for you during the exercise.

Expressing what you really feel about yourself can help clear emotions you may have been suppressing or repressing for a long time. By allowing yourself to feel those feelings, think those thoughts and express yourself with authentic vulnerability, you may find those difficult things lift away, giving you access to new and powerful awakenings in your relationship. Read more »

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Soul Gazing Exercise

eye contact

A key to great sex: Eye Contact!

Communication is something that occurs on many levels.  Most frequently, we think of communication as being a two-part exchange.  There is the receptive communication of listening, and the active communication of speaking.  Yet we intuitively know that communication goes far beyond what we do with our ears and mouths.  Communication occurs on many levels, the majority of which are nonverbal.

Soul Gazing helps exercise one of these nonverbal communication channels, by opening up an energy connection between your eyes and the eyes of your partner.  Eye contact, particularly when it is prolonged and intimate, can be very challenging.  As with many challenges, however, the payoff to fully submersing oneself in the exercise can produce profound results for both participants.

Purpose of the Exercise

The Soul Gazing exercise in Tantra is a method of communicating with your lover that is completely nonverbal.  As such, it may open new doors to intimacy in your relationship that were previously unexplored.  Use this exercise to communicate on a deeper level with your partner, and to awaken new lines of exchange.  Soul Gazing harmonizes the energy of both partners, creating an open heart space where deeper intimacy may be achieved. Read more »

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