Women and Beauty: Fear, Hate, Love and Acceptance

I’d like to share with you two brief stories about two different women I met, and how beauty shows up or doesn’t, depending upon the personality of the woman more than her looks. One of these women, I’ll call her Lisa, doesn’t really seem to like men that much, and the other, I’ll call her Angela, loves men and accepts us unconditionally as we are.

These two stories really happened, but as I’ve implied, I’ve changed all the names. I think you’ll get a lot out of hearing these two stories, and understanding what I see as beautiful in women. Hopefully my experiences might shed some light on some of your experiences with men, and how we perceive beauty.

The Fearing/Hating Woman

An angry, fearful womanI’d been living with my friend Sharon in a shared apartment for a couple of years.  Sharon’s friend Lisa was going to visit from England, and she’d shown me photos of her. Any man would likely describe her as stunning. On top of her good looks, she also owned her own business in the fashion industry, and was quite successful. On the day she was set to arrive in Los Angeles, I hurried home from work to meet her, hoping to snatch her up before some other lucky American guy did.

When I arrived home, she was in the living room talking with Sharon. Apparently Lisa had been through a tough time recently with a boyfriend, which was the reason for her visit to Sharon. Their conversation went something like this:

“God! I just can’t believe what awful, chauvinist pigs men are!” said Lisa.

Sharon just looked at her, nodding, letting her vent.

Lisa turned to me as I entered, and asked, “Don’t you think so?”

“No, actually, I don’t,” I replied.

“Oh, well what do you know? You have a penis, too!” she shot back. Sharon looked upset at this remark, but just allowed Lisa to continue.

“I mean, can one of you even go for a year without fucking some other girl? Do you even know what commitment is? Every man I’ve ever met is a total pig and not worth staying around. I should give up and become a lesbian…” she went on like this for some time.

Eventually, I’d had enough of listening to her spew venom at my entire sex, and I said: “Listen, Lisa, I was really excited to meet you cause Sharon told me all these great things about you, but if you’re going to denigrate my entire sex like this, I think you should get out of this apartment right now. You should stay somewhere else. You have the money. Please leave.”

As they were both leaving, Sharon patted me on the shoulder and said, “I’m sorry, and thank you for shutting her up, she was driving me nuts with that crap.”

The Loving/Accepting Woman

I went to a friend’s party for a men’s and women’s empowerment group, where upon entering I immediately noticed a group of people laughing and having an animated conversation on the couch. Angela was in the center of the couch, and all those gathered around her were men. This intrigued me immediately, as there was nothing particularly special about Angela’s physical appearance. She’s what most people would describe as a “plain Jane.”

Later in the evening, I had the opportunity to meet her more personally. She shook my hand immediately, and had a firm but kind grip. She met my eyes when she introduced herself. She told me she was a schoolteacher, and she volunteered to help homeless veterans throughout the year. She asked me questions about myself, and listened to my answers. She shared her own stories, and both our stories were filled with laughter and a flirtatious, joking attitude.

In speaking to her, I could tell right away that she simply loved men. She likes being around us. She volunteers her time to a needy group almost entirely comprised of men. When there were differences in our stories and lifestyles, she was always fully accepting of the difference between us, and not judgmental about it in the least.

I was impressed by not only how kind and loving she was toward me and toward men in general, but also how accepting she was of our differences. I felt truly honored by her, like I was a special and unique man, not just any man. I felt seen, recognized, loved and accepted. Those are rare things to feel when I meet a woman for the first time.

The Lesson

I don’t think I’m that unlike other men, as exhibited by the men on the couch at the party in the second part of my story. I’d much rather be around a woman like Angela than a woman like Lisa; so would most men. I might be content to bed Lisa for a one night stand, but I’d never consider a relationship with her. Angela, on the other hand, is just the opposite. I’d never involve myself with her unless I was serious about pursuing the type of relationship she desires. I wasn’t interested in what she wanted, and I didn’t pursue her, even though I found her enormously attractive.

The most unattractive women I have met have all been women like Lisa. It was their attitudes that prevented me from taking them seriously.

The most beautiful women I have met have all been women who either always had Angela’s attitude to begin with, or who did enough work on themselves to overcome their inner Lisa, and bring out their inner Angela.

Love and acceptance are attractive, not just to me, but to most men. We rarely receive them the way that Angela gives them, and we’ll do almost anything to find and end up with a woman like her.

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